What sex position do you prefer? What porn movie do you like? You seemed okay with it. It’s normal. I sent it by accident. You tell someone that you experienced cyber harassment and have these horrifying sentences in your chat as evidence. They respond, Just block him. You don’t have to just do that. Here is the secret recipe for responding to a predator.

I considered myself fortunate because, unlike the majority of my friends and relatives, a predator has never laid his hand on my body. As for verbal harassment, it has become a part of my daily life. We put up with it like we put up with the shouts of street merchants, convincing our ears not to listen, or persuading them into believing that they might’ve misheard. 

But what about cyberspace? How do we convince our eyes to unsee scenes of online harassment, starting with “You are beautiful” and “Your voice alone turns people on” to “What is your favourite position” and definitely not ending with an image of an erect penis, because harassment is a never-ending story. 

I swear, I will chop it off you 

It was 2 a.m. when a colleague from my previous job proposed a new collaboration. I hesitated to scold him for the late hour since everyone tends to work late in Ramadan. Also, he is religious and known for his good reputation. I responded to his offer and asked him to send the file. 

Instead of sending a file, he sent a picture. My slow internet saved me for the first time. The image started loading, with a blurry pink screen behind the loading circle. I became suspicious of what it might be so, as soon as it finished loading, I closed my eyes and placed my hand on the screen so that I could only see a small part of the corner. With my eyes half-open, I peeked and saw his olive pyjamas, then some hair, and a swollen part of his skin. My suspicion was confirmed. 

It was a picture of his genitals! It took me a few minutes to comprehend. I was terrified and disgusted to the point of nausea, but when he deleted the messages from both sides, his behaviour infuriated me. It was as if he was saying, ‘I’ll send you a picture of my genitals to show off what I have. If you like it, come to me. If you don’t, insult me and block me, like the others before you. I’ll go to sleep and forget what happened, while I choose a new one. Come on, don’t waste my time.” 

How many times has he done the same thing? Maybe with a minor, a fragile girl, or perhaps a child. So, I gathered my courage and played a game that predators fear. “I’ll cut it off and, by the way, I took screenshots,” I threatened him. He kept deleting the messages from both sides to hide the evidence—damn that feature on Telegram. I wiped my tears, and instead of cursing him and just blocking him, I sent a laughing emoji and wrote, “Poor boy, keep deleting. It’s all evidence against you.” 

He started spamming me with calls out of fear. He began begging me to listen to him. He claimed that he sent the picture by mistake and described himself as being “unconscious”. I didn’t understand the phrase “unconscious”— did he sleepwalk, take off his pyjamas, and send the picture? As my grandmother says, making up an excuse can be worse than the action. I turned off my phone to scare him more.  

Girl he’s just another creep  

If you tell someone that you were subjected to online harassment¹, they’ll say, “Just block him”. That’s what most of the people I know have told me. It’s also what 36% of Arab women who have experienced online violence have done, according to a UN Women 2021 report “Violence Against Women in Digital Spaces: Insights from a Multi-Country Study in Arab States. 

According to the UN Women report, 49% of internet users in the Arab region expressed feeling unsafe from online harassment, and 36% of women who experienced it were advised to ignore it. Additionally, 23% were blamed for it, and 21% were told to delete their social media accounts. 

More than one in three men aged 18 to 24 in the Arab region who were surveyed admitted to committing some form of online harassment against women. When asked about the reasons for their harassment, the top reason given by the perpetrators was “because it is their right” (26%). Another 23% said they committed it “for fun”. 

The study also revealed that the most common form of online harassment affecting women in the region was receiving “unwanted sexual images or symbols” (43%); followed by “inappropriate phone calls, inappropriate or unwelcome attempts to communicate” (38%), and then “receiving insulting and/or abusive messages” (35%). Additionally, 22% of women who experienced online violence faced “direct sexual blackmail”. 

According to psychologist Noor Chachan, the prevalence of online harassment is attributed to the easy access of predators to their victims. There is an abundance of websites that facilitate the emergence and practice of harassment, and many justify their actions by saying, “No one will know or expose me easily”, or “I can delete my account”, or “I can do anything behind this screen that protects me, even with fake accounts”. 

Shireen, a 24-year-old feminist activist and psychologist, has not been spared from intrusive predators and their sexual demands on Facebook despite the privacy settings on her account. This led her to delete her account and switch to Instagram. 

Shireen is a psychologist and shares information about reproductive sexual health on her Instagram account. She has received messages from people writing about their sexual adventures and abilities, not for consultation, but merely to showcase themselves. This led her to stop posting this type of content. 

In 2017, Amnesty International conducted a survey involving 4,000 women from eight countries and found that 76% of women who experienced abuse on social media restricted their use of these platforms and 32% stopped expressing their opinions on certain issues. 

My family won’t let me work outside the home, so I turned to remote work. However, after a short period, I was forced to leave due to harassment from my manager. HE started with, “Is this your picture? You’re pretty”. At first, I felt it was just a compliment, but it quickly turned into flirtatious comments out of context for work. I deleted my picture to avoid his remarks and limited my responses to professional ones, only to receive messages like, “Your voice alone turns people on”. 

At that time, I fell into a spiral of guilt, reviewing the chat every day and berating myself. Where did I go wrong? Did I forget to say Sir? Did I say something inappropriate? Completely forgetting that I hadn’t done anything wrong. 

Chachan believes that a feeling of guilt will accompany the victim because of the blame placed on her by those around her. “In cases of online harassment, people will say, “Why does she have Instagram and Facebook? Why does she have people saving her picture? And if it’s not her picture, but a picture of an actor or a model then they say, ‘Why is this your profile picture?”’ They justify their actions by claiming she must be posting suggestive images or use other excuses to rationalise and explain their harassment. 

As a result, the victim loses confidence in herself and feels inadequate in meeting the expectations of her family and society, which affects her usage of these platforms and limits her engagement and creative energy in the community. 

You’re either a gem or a whore 

One the street, we are the ones being blamed. “What is she wearing? She’s the one to blame obviously; why is she out among men in the first place?” Often, we will be forbidden from going out, being punished rather than punishing the predator. 

In online spaces, the purity of girls who use social media and share their daily lives, or even those who use smartphones, is often questioned. What happens when they speak out about what they are facing? 

Recently, a video circulated on social media featuring an interview with a teenage girl. The girl said, “My mum, dad, and brother protect me from all sides; having a phone is a line that I shouldn’t cross”. In the video, the female interviewer, who is across social media, replied, “Good… I’m so happy to see a girl in 2024 without a mobile phone”.  

It’s as if digital illiteracy is seen as the solution to maintaining the safety of women, and of course, the matter only concerns them. The reporter and director behind the camera are filled with joy, and they ask this girl, who is a victim of a family that uses prohibition rather than proper guidance, to give a standard set of advice to other girls so they can follow her and her family’s ideals. She continues her interview, saying, “My family tells me they want me to be as pure as a gem”. 

This video is not the only one of its kind. There’s always a celebrity questioning the “purity” of women who use social media. It has even escalated to the point of threats of physical violence and vulgar language, encouraging people to beat them and use shoes to hit them because they are considered dishonourable. Ahed Al-Iraqi has appeared in several clips, threatening female social media users, calling them “Owners of Galaxy, iPhone, and Huawei, the whores.’ 

Did Al-Hajji make you laugh? 

What Ahed Al-Iraqi and the reporter did, albeit to a lesser degree, is known as slut-shaming, which is the act of demeaning or stigmatizing someone as a slut. 

Feminist writer Linda Lowen defines it as the deliberate act of labelling a woman as a ‘slut’ or ‘prostitute,’ or tarnishing her reputation with sexual terms, with the intent to embarrass, humiliate, intimidate, or demean her due to actions or behaviours that are considered a natural part of female sexuality. 

Sexual awareness in our society is confined to men, while women who understand sexual innuendos or talk about sex are labelled ‘sluts’ or ‘experienced,’ granting men the license to make sexual requests. This happens more frequently in the online space. Just a small comment on a video on social media in this context can flood a woman’s inbox with men showing off their “skills” and, perhaps, their genitals. 

This is what happened to Shireen. After she commented on a video by well-known Iraqi celebrity, Mustafa Al-Hajji, who often uses sexual innuendos in his jokes, she received messages from men she didn’t know saying things like, “Did Al-Hajji make you laugh?” or using innuendos with sexual undertones, taken from Al-Hajji’s phrases. 

She also received messages from more than six men asking to have a sexual relationship with her. “We want to sleep with you.” They directly asked, “What position do you prefer?” and “Which porno do you like?” after she commented on a video of an Iraqi entertainer (an adult film actress), even though, according to her, the video and her comment had nothing to do with sex. 

According to a 2019 study published in the Journal of Sex Research, which surveyed 1,087 men, about half admitted to sending unsolicited pictures of their genitals. This type of harassment is specifically called ‘Cyberflashing,’ which refers to sending a sexual image and is recognised as a form of online sexual harassment. 

It is often believed that the motive or purpose behind this behaviour stems from misogyny or discrimination against women, a desire to anger or embarrass them, express hostility toward them, assert dominance over them, or some form of sadism. However, according to the study, the most common motive was that men hoped to receive similar pictures or engage in sexual interactions in return. This was followed by a desire to sexually arouse the recipient. About 18% of men reported sending unsolicited pictures for their own personal satisfaction. 

Approximately 10% agreed with the statement, “Sending pictures of my genitals gives me a sense of control over the person I send them to” while around 6% agreed with, “I feel hatred toward women, and sending pictures of my genitals satisfies me”. 

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Hundreds of women face the same situation. If you confront the predator, he will fear the consequences of your bravery. Don’t say, “I can’t do it” or “It’s useless”. Many cases of harassment have successfully led to the prosecution and imprisonment of such predators. 

The punishment for harassment is six months. If the perpetrator repeats the offense, it can extend to a year. The procedures may be lengthy and exhausting, but if a person continues with the process, the law will take its course. Those who are not familiar with the process may find it tiring, but it is worth pursuing. 

There are other ways girls might seek revenge on predators, such as posting about them on specialised pages to expose people. However, this method is not safe, as it can lead to blackmail. 

Jumaa emphasizes the possibility of arresting the predator if his account is not fake. Since we are discussing online platforms, it’s important to avoid taking screenshots, as they can easily be faked. Therefore, the evidence for the arrest of the predator should be as follows: 

Hold your phone that contains the chat. Then, using a different phone, record a video that captures details proving the identity of the predator. For instance, if it’s on WhatsApp, exit the app and re-enter it to show his number. Do the same on Facebook or any other platform, to have strong evidence that is free from manipulation. Then, either hire a lawyer or file a complaint directly.  

Emotional Blackmail 

Typically, these violations come from strangers. However, suddenly, a colleague at work or even a friend might decide to drop their pants, as happened with Sara. In such situations, we might turn to the partner we love and have chosen to trust with our love, feelings, and dignity, expecting them to be the hand that reassures us in moments of fear. But what if they decide to drop their pants too? 

Discussing sexual desires between partners can be a healthy aspect of intimate relationships, and the internet has made consensual sexual relationships easier. Consent is synonymous with approval or agreement and can be given once but withdrawn at any moment if one party wishes. For every sexual act or conversation, consent must be obtained again. If this condition is violated, the action turns into assault or sexual harassment. 

However, the concept of consent is somewhat unclear in our societies due to the lack of experience in dealing with relationships outside of marriage, particularly for women who have been raised on the idea of obedience to their partner’s desires. They may submit, unaware of the meaning of consent or of their boundaries, out of fear of losing partners who emotionally blackmail them. As a result, they might engage in unhealthy relationships to escape their realities. 

Even after four years, Aya, 23, still trembles and tears up when she recalls what happened. Between the ages of 18 and 19, she became involved in an online romantic relationship. Her partner started sending her pictures of his genitals and sexual videos to arouse her. Initially, she refused, but due to his constant fights over her rejection and his persistent threats to leave, she quickly turned into a “tool for his desire”, as she described it. 

She submitted to his desires for online sex, which threw her into a deep psychological struggle characterised by feelings of shame and self-disgust. She suffered from depression for years afterward, unaware that she had been experiencing emotional blackmail and harassment for a year and a half. 

Rusul, 25, may have had twice as bad an experience as Aya. She was sexually assaulted by her relative when she was a child, and suppressed her pain for years, hiding it from everyone she knew until she confided in her partner. Instead of embracing and supporting her, their conversation gradually turned to sex. 

He began sending her sexual videos and pictures, including an image of his “erect penis while he was fully clothed.” When she questioned him about this sudden shift and expressed her disapproval of his behaviour, he offered an excuse saying, “You seemed comfortable with it”. 

She didn’t know how to set her boundaries and, after a friend encouraged her to cut off contact with him, her former partner turned the tables and claimed that she had lied and fabricated the harassment to cover up her desire for an online sexual relationship with him. He then emotionally blackmailed her, alleging that she was the one who exposed their secret when she discussed their matter with a stranger. This led her into a labyrinth of psychological turmoil. “Instead of addressing my previous issue, a new problem emerged that I need to deal with”. 

I wanted someone to rely on 

Chachan believes that the period and way that families guide their children in using social media will significantly impact them in the future. She does not agree with the idea of completely restricting or allowing limited access to social media; rather, she advocates for healthy guidance under parental supervision. Parents should be aware of potential warning signs in the online space. Consequently, teenagers will learn to understand their boundaries, protect themselves, and learn to say “no” and “yes” according to their interests. This ability to adapt and respond in a balanced way can only be fostered in a safe and healthy family environment that promotes open dialogue. 

If the family is troubled and characterised by harshness, violence, and an inability to adapt to the changes of adolescence, it will impact their future. They will struggle to behave like adults and become susceptible to exploitation, leading them to experience a distorted sense of maturity. 

“I just wanted someone to rely on… to escape the chaos at home”, Rusul explained her reason for staying in a cycle of toxic relationships. 

Both Aya and Rusul, in their attempts to escape the oppressive household they live in, become easy targets for emotional exploitation and online harassment. Their environments and perspectives are influenced by families that lack open communication. Rusul is particularly troubled by the fact that her family still refuses the idea of her talking with a man. She questions how such a relationship might lead to harassment, but the thought of losing their approval terrifies her. 

The responses and reactions of both Rassel and Aya were similar. The refusal to say “no” to authority stems from children’s coercion and knowledge of their families. However, in reality, none of the predators threatened their families or blackmailed them. Instead, their upbringing has contributed to their cooperation with their predators and to their responses to the situation. This is confirmed by Chachan, who stated that women are often forced to submit to harassment, which can escalate from online to real-life situations in the absence of safe options. 

According to Chachan, women can suffer from long-term psychological effects, leading to feelings of fear, tension, anxiety, and a complete loss of self-confidence, and ultimately feelings of guilty. 

Aya’s relationships became confusing, leading to depression that forced her to seek good psychological care. However, Rusul still suffers from panic attacks today and has lost trust in people.  

As for Aya and Sherien, their self-confidence is at its lowest point, resulting in depression, anxiety, and a sense of insecurity. The self-worth of the victim diminishes, making them feel unqualified to engage with others in society. They inevitably become trapped and unable to express their opinions freely. 

Harassment can escalate to the level of online blackmail, leading to greater trauma resulting from the disruption of their professional and even family relationships. Chachan recounts the case of one of her clients, under the age of eighteen, who experienced harassment that turned into blackmail, causing her to leave school and leading to depression. She was reviewed as a depression case, but after several meetings, Chachan discovered the root of her problem. There was a predator who continued to threaten her, making her feel guilty for having an Instagram account. 

After a long recovery journey, the girl’s family managed to act against the predator, and he was imprisoned. The girl recovered from her fears and returned to her life. How many victims like her exist? 

What will happen if we file a complaint? It’s more trouble than it’s worth 

The Iraqi Constitution does not mention the term “harassment”. It addresses harassment issues under Article 400 of the Penal Code, which states that “whoever commits acts that violate public decency with a person, whether male or female, without their consent, shall be punished by imprisonment for a period not exceeding one year and a fine not exceeding one hundred dinars, or one of the two penalties.” 

Additionally, anyone who requests indecent things from another person, whether male or female, shall be punished by imprisonment for a period not exceeding three months and a fine not exceeding thirty dinars or one of these two penalties. 

While many countries have clear laws against online harassment, the Iraqi legislature remains far behind and has not kept up with the development of laws that explicitly deal with harassment. 

This may explain the absence of official statistics on online harassment and the traditional approach of authorities in dealing with crimes of online violence in general. 

Mohammed Jumaa, a legal expert with over 18 years of experience, believes that cases of online harassment are increasing. As an expert, he faces numerous questions and consultations about harassment. However, there is a noticeable scarcity of complaints. 

He attributes the reasons that victims do not resort to the law as down to a fear of society, lack of trust in judicial and legal procedures, and their belief that the law is lenient or that the procedures are difficult. Some underestimate the importance of filing a complaint. 

“I didn’t even know I could file a complaint,” says Rusul. At her young age, she was unaware that she could turn to the judiciary. All the other victims also refrained from seeking legal action under the justifications of “there’s no benefit,” “the procedures are difficult,” and “I was afraid of my family.” However, according to Jumaa, these are all weak reasons fuelled by a lack of legal awareness which prevents them from seeking justice. 

Despite his constant criticism of the laws, Jumaa emphasised the necessity of filing a complaint. In his words, “At least it would lead to some humiliation for the perpetrator,” allowing the victim to regain a portion of her dignity. 

He recounted a story he witnessed as a lawyer in one of the harassment cases. Although the perpetrator was not imprisoned due to his connections, being forced to appear in court dozens of times as a predator, begging and pleading with his acquaintances, made him say, “Damn this girl for making reach out to my connections for help.” 

What disturbed him was that the act he might have repeated countless times, along with the girl he had victimised, saw him stand in the courtroom as the predator. His client felt a sense of relief upon hearing that phrase, and according to Jumaa’s account, she said, “Just hearing those words relieved me, even if he walked free.” 

For Jumaa,  predators view their victims through a narrow lens, believing them to be weak and powerless. He thinks to himself, “I will harass her, and she won’t dare to complain.” However, when you decide to file a complaint, you will not only reclaim your dignity but also protect hundreds of women from the same situation. If you deter him, he will fear the consequences of your courage. Don’t say, “I can’t do anything,” or “There’s no benefit.” Many harassment cases have successfully held predators accountable and imprisoned them. 

No one is safe from harassment 

The danger of online harassment is not limited to women only, but also affects minors and men. An organisation dedicated to protecting children’s rights claims that, since 1988, the number of sexual crimes committed against minors in the US has increased by over 15 times. The internet has made the situation worse.  

Mohammed, 21, heard the notification sound on his 14-year-old sister’s phone amidst the noise of the university cafeteria. He had borrowed the phone since his own had been broken for the previous two nights. The message was an invitation to accept an image via Airdrop from an iPhone. Mohammed accepted it out of curiosity, and three images appeared; a penis, a sex position, and a breast. The idea that his 14-year-old sister would see these pictures horrified Mohammed, who thought to himself, “Nobody is safe from harassment”. 

Men also experience harassment from other men. Ahmed, 27, recounted that after adding someone on a social media platform, the person began to engage in friendly conversation to get to know him better. He then sent explicit videos of two men engaging in sexual acts, stating that he was attracted to men.  

Ahmed was overwhelmed by a “feeling of disgust and insecurity”. He described how, after this incident, he became wary of strangers and found it difficult to trust them, believing anyone capable of doing the same thing. 

Ahmed did not consult a psychologist, nor did he file a legal complaint for fear of how the people surrounding him would react and the impact it might have on his masculinity. Instead, he confided in a friend, who responded, “It’s natural,” and “A lot of people make such requests”. Ahmed chose to block them and ended the matter.